WHEN IN CHAOS WE ARE OPERATING IN THE FIGHT/FLIGHT/FREEZE MIND (REACTIVE – ANXIOUS MIND – aka MONKEY MIND)
When we are in this state of anxiety, the reactive/survival mind, everything is difficult. We are indecisive, reactive, and inside of that we operate at odds with others, making getting cooperation difficult. If you are not aware of this, you will keep reacting to what is wrong, not working or others reacting to our emotions keeping you endlessly stuck in this state.
The viscous cycle is to make yourself or others wrong for reactions or behaviors unlike ours, sinking into feelings of guilt, failure, inadequacy, self-doubt, shame, belief of being bad, hopeless or not good enough, and feeling rejected or worthless. This can be of our self or towards others we do not understand. In a group setting those who are most reactive feed off each other, blaming and making each other wrong, worsening reactions-creating gridlock and lack of connection.
Personalizing emotional reactions keeps everyone involved stuck in them. For those stuck in the emotional place is generally an experience of low self-worth and compulsive striving to feel valuable – like financial success, accomplishments, productivity, being smart, popular, helpful, funny or talented, etc.
The result of operating in fight/flight/freeze causes guardedness (operating at a superficial level), instead of love: vulnerability, closeness, good communication, nurturing, deeply knowing and understanding each other, supporting each other, expressing love and appreciation, sharing and supporting each others dreams, responsibility, trust and play. It is predictable where there is guardedness is poor communication adding to reactions. Operating in a guarded fashion, lack of love, causes more anxiety.
There are often, degrees of fight or flight in families, when a group of people take sides and make another or group wrong for their reactions, the reactive situation worsens for everyone.
There is no moral difference (in my opinion) between the types of reaction: anger, crying, withdrawing, rejecting, silent treatment, etc. they all feed into and strengthen the problem for all.
When we allow this viscous cycle to grow without becoming conscious to turn it around, it can lead to addictions, compulsions, loneliness, and break ups in families where people aren’t talking to each other.
SPECIALIZING IN FACILITATING INDIVIDUALS OUT OF CHAOS